The Fork Question and Workplace Manners
A reader who was hired after a successful summer internship wrote to Miss Manners expressing concern about having lunch with their boss at her exclusive club. The reader had already bought a tie but was anxious about using the wrong fork. In her response, as published in two newspapers, Miss Manners advised not to stress about specialized eating implements, noting that their age was over more than 100 years before the reader was born. She explained that, if multiple forks are present, one should pick them up from the outside in. She also warned that sloppy eating could disgust the boss and might be held against the reader.
The Wedding Party and Black Dresses
Another reader asked about having his daughter and three sisters stand with him at his wedding, and whether they could wear black dresses given that it would be a black-tie affair. Miss Manners congratulated the reader on realizing that the wedding party should consist of those closest to you, regardless of gender. She explained that the tradition of gender-specific roles stems from a time when brides and bridegrooms were not expected to have close ties to those of the opposite gender. she criticized the custom of dressing female attendants alike, describing it as a "chorus line," and suggested that attendants should choose their own dressy outfits. However, she still thought that black dresses look too somber for a wedding, noting that an increasing number of people now think black is too somber even for funerals, which are sometimes styled as celebrations of life.
The two versions of the column that were available differed in their emphasis: one focused on the wedding question, while the other highlighted the fork question in its lead. Both included both letters, but framed them differently.
Practical Etiquette
In both letters, Miss Manners provided straightforward advice: for the workplace lunch, she emphasized that table manners are important but that specialized utensils are no longer a concern. For the wedding, she encouraged the reader to break from gender-specific roles but warned against choosing somber colors like black. Her remarks acknowledge changing customs while still offering cautious guidance.
Her responses to both questions reflect a focus on common sense and respect for others, whether in professional or personal settings.