A Return After 13 Years
Pankhuri, a former NRI now based in Indore, has opened up about why she and her husband decided to leave the United States after 13 years and return to India. In a video that has resonated widely, she begins with a question: “So, why did we move back to India after spending 13 years in the US?”
According to her account, the decision was not driven by visa problems or a lack of community. She says her family had “no visa issues” and enjoyed an “amazing community and friendship” in America. Yet, she recalls, “something was missing.”
The Missing Sense of Belonging
One of the biggest factors, she says, was a sense of belonging. Pankhuri describes routinely having to spell out her name and explain aspects of her identity and culture. “It's really about being around people who have the same cultural references as you, so you don't end up explaining yourself all the time,” she said. This constant need to explain herself left her feeling that, despite years of building a life, she didn’t truly belong.
“I don't mean that I didn't have a good time in America. I loved every bit of it. But there was something missing,” she told her audience.
Ageing Parents and Children’s Upbringing
Pankhuri also spoke about watching her parents grow older from afar. “As time passes, they are growing old. And being oceans away from your ageing parents is completely different from being there with them, watching them grow old,” she said. The physical distance made her question how much of her parents’ remaining time she wanted to spend virtually rather than in person.
Her children were another important consideration. She and her husband began thinking more deeply about the childhood they wanted for them, including their everyday lives and relationships with family and friends. Livemint reports that conversations about their children’s ideal upbringing made the couple realize what they wanted at that point in life. “Those conversations really made us realise that, maybe, that is what we want for them at this point in life,” she said.
The Strain of Work and Domestic Help
Pankhuri also highlighted the strain of managing demanding jobs and household responsibilities in the US. Hindustan Times quotes her as saying, “Both me and my husband, we were working 7:00 AM to 9:00 PM every day, like clockwork.” Livemint frames the same point as working 14 hours a day without meaningful breaks, describing the schedule as relentless.
Access to domestic help in India was another factor behind their decision. While acknowledging the complexities around domestic help arrangements, she and her husband “wanted to try regardless,” as Livemint puts it.
Immigration Pressure and Changing Priorities
Immigration policies also played a role. Livemint reports that Pankhuri and her husband had to plan everything around visa appointments and restrictions, which felt increasingly burdensome. She said, “We literally had to plan everything around our visa appointments, the restrictions. Doing it over and over again, we felt like it's really the immigration policies and procedures that are kind of controlling our lives.”
Reflecting on the broader shift in perspective, Pankhuri said, “Our priorities in life have changed from when we were 25. And I think that's really something that nobody will tell you, which is you can spend years building a life that you might not even want.”
A New Challenge
Returning to India, she suggests, was only the beginning of a new journey. “Moving is one big decision, but building a completely new life, that's a completely new challenge,” she said. Her account, carried by both Hindustan Times and Livemint, offers a personal look at the emotional and practical calculations that can shape an expatriate family’s decision to return home.