Dear Abby: Friends Navigate Contrasting Postpartum Journeys

In a recent Dear Abby column, a new mother wrote in with a delicate dilemma: her best friend, with whom she shared a nearly identical pregnancy timeline, is struggling profoundly after childbirth while she herself is thriving. The letter writer, identifying herself as "One of Two New Moms," explained that she and her friend were pregnant with their first children, with due dates just a week apart. Now, with their babies both two months old, the letter writer is adjusting well to motherhood, while her friend has been "distant, anxious and depressed" since the birth of her daughter.

The rift became apparent when the friend told the letter writer that comments about being "super happy and loving breastfeeding" (while the friend struggles with it) felt like "rubbing it in her face." The letter writer is torn: "I care about her dearly, but am I not allowed to speak my truth because she's struggling? How do I support her and still be forthcoming about my own positive experience?"

The column, which appeared in multiple newspapers including the Chicago Sun-Times, The Dallas Morning News, M Live Michigan, nj.com, the New York Post, and Mechanicsburg Patriot News, addresses the emotional conflict with practical advice.

Abby's Advice: A Possible Physiological Cause

Dear Abby's reply, consistent across the outlets that printed it, suggested that the friend's symptoms might have a medical root. "There may be a physiological cause for your friend's anxiety and depression," Abby wrote. "Childbirth can lead to a hormonal imbalance that can be corrected. It's important that she talk to her obstetrician about the negative emotions she's experiencing." Abby urged the letter writer not to wait, warning that "the problem could worsen."

Abby also counseled sensitivity going forward. "You would be a more sensitive friend to her if you share your joy at being a new mother with friends other than this one — at least for a while," Abby advised. "You don't need to censor your social media, but please find other things to talk about when face to face with her."

The suggestion that a hormonal imbalance could be at play underscores the complexity of postpartum mental health, a theme that resonated across the coverage.

Second Letter: Airport Shuttle Grievance

The column also carried a second letter, from a writer whose husband has been routinely asked to drive friends, "Brian" and his wife, to and from the airport. Brian recently became unemployed, leaving him more time to travel, and the couple flies to see his dad in Florida several times a year. Despite living an hour closer to the airport than the letter writer, Brian always asks for a ride. The letter writer's husband is retired, giving him a freer schedule, but the repeated requests—and the financial implications—have sparked marital tension.

According to the letter, Brian's wife earns twice what the letter writer does, and the couple flies on Brian's dad's points. The letter writer argued with her husband, calling the friend a "cab driver" and pointing out that "wear and tear and gas money" never seem to be considered.

Abby's response to this letter, as reproduced by some outlets including The Dallas Morning News and nj.com, was that the husband's time is his to spend as he pleases, and suggested collecting gas money up front. Some outlets, such as the Chicago Sun-Times and New York Post, did not include this reply in their extracts, but the letter itself was reported across all six sources.

Perspectives

  • The Letter Writer (New Mother): Seeks to support her friend while still expressing her own positive motherhood experience, feeling that her joy should not be silenced.
  • The Friend (New Mother): Perceives the letter writer's comments about happiness and breastfeeding as insensitive, given her own struggles.
  • Dear Abby: Offers a medical explanation (hormonal imbalance) and advises the friend to see an obstetrician, while counseling the letter writer to share joy elsewhere and censor less in person.
  • The Second Letter Writer: Feels taken advantage of by friends who expect airport rides despite their own resources.
  • Dear Abby (Second Reply): Suggests the husband's time is his own and recommends collecting gas money upfront, implicitly validating the letter writer's annoyance while endorsing the husband's choice.